


You're the Peanut Butter to My Jelly

by kwonbagel



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AND REMEMBER be there or be square, Again, Awkward Mark Lee (NCT), Fluff and Crack, How Do I Tag, ITS CRACK, M/M, Out of Character, Soft Kim Jungwoo (NCT), TY TRACK, all of them - Freeform, an ant crawled on me while i was writing this so im freaking out rn, and no one wants to be a square, blame the crack, booming systems up up, but its fine, crack fics are funny, donghyuck is a demon, except crack, i dont fuck with demons, i really hate myself, i relate, im not, im sorry youre reading this, junguwu, kids dont do drugs, lucas is stupid, mama taeyong, nct - Freeform, oh you are nana, renjun hates everyone, that isnt a tag but i felt like saying it so, whatever regular HUH
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 20:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16647053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwonbagel/pseuds/kwonbagel
Summary: "You’re the peanut butter to my jelly," Jungwoo tells Lucas fondly."I’m allergic to peanut butter, babe.""Oh yeah.""Do you have any? I'll hide it in his dinner then maybe he’ll die and finally LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE," Renjun glares into his sad, soggy sandwich as if it was Lucas.Or alternatively Lucas is allergic to peanuts, Jungwoo is gay and too young to die, and Renjun wants to be left alone. And don't fuck with Doyoung and Taeyong.





	You're the Peanut Butter to My Jelly

"You’re the peanut butter to my jelly," Jungwoo tells Lucas fondly.

 

"I’m allergic to peanut butter, babe."

 

"Oh yeah."

 

"Do you have any? I'll hide it in his dinner then maybe he’ll die and finally LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE," Renjun glares into his sad, soggy sandwich as if it was Lucas. 

 

“What’s his problem?” Mark asks as him and Hyuck sit down at the lunch table. Mark wraps his arm around Hyuck and Hyuck leans into his chest and sighs in content.

 

“He’s shorter than-” Hyuck ducks to dodge Renjun’s sandwich which gets chucked right into an oblivious Taeyong’s face.

 

Taeyong closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he rummages through his backpack and pulls out a bottle of vodka and a shot glass. “Who the fuck am I sacrificing to Doyoung’s pentagram tonight?” he asks after taking a shot. 

 

“Renjun,” they all in sync.

 

“Switches before bitches they say. More like switches are bitches. I’m going to kill them all and sell their body parts on eBay,” Renjun says under his breath before leaving. 

 

“Give me that fucking Reese's oh sweet fellow ‘99er,” Lucas yells at Mark as he is about to eat his candy.

 

“Dude, aren’t you allergic?” Mark pops it in his mouth.

 

“Um yeah, you’re point?”

 

“DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, WONG YUKHEI,” a distressed mother (Taeyong) says as a demon (Hyuck) eggs him on.

 

“How about we just go to my apartment, Lucas,” an unbothered Jungwoo suggests, wanting to cuddle with his boyfriend. Lucas follows him like the dumb puppy he is.

 

“My children are fucking dumbasses. They’re all going to die,” Taeyong chugs the vodka bottle. 

 

“They will if it’s up to me,” Renjun appears out of nowhere. 

 

~

 

“I’m going to change real quick, ok babe,” Jungwoo kisses him on the cheek and goes to his bedroom.

 

Lucas immediately starts to rummage through Jungwoo’s tiny kitchen for anything peanut related. He finds a bowl of Reese’s, places his EpiPen on the counter at the ready, and eats.

 

Jungwoo walks in as soon as Lucas puts it in his mouth and his eyes widen. “NO WHAT ARE YOU-”

 

“You might want to call an ambulance,” Lucas stabs himself in the leg with his EpiPen. 

 

“NO SHIT YOU TONTO,” he rushes to Lucas and 

 

Lucas looks up at Jungwoo and stupidly grins, “I love you.” Jungwoo slaps him. 

 

“I’m calling Taeyong and you can explain this to him yourself. Both of us are not dying today.”

 

Lucas’ face pales significantly, “No-”

 

“Yes,” Jungwoo lip-smiles evilly. “Unless you prefer it’s Doyoung because-”

 

“No, continue, but take your time. I’ll just be here dying.”

 

“This you own damn fault, cowcas.” He hands Lucas his phone.

 

“This is bullying. I’m filing a bully form.” 

 

“I could leave you here to die, dork,” he gently hits Lucas on the chest.

 

“You should,” Renjun whispers into his ear. Jungwoo screams. Lucas passes out.

 

“-YOU DUMB SHIT. SEE THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR STUFFING CLOTHES HANGERS INTO YOUR DAMN NOSE. YOU LOSE THE SINGULAR BRAINCELL YOU HAVE-” Jungwoo hears through his phone. He really didn’t want to die today, preferably tomorrow maybe when soccer conditioning starts.

 

“Hyung, it’s me-”

 

“AND YOU, KIM JUNGWOO, WHY HAVE YOU CALLED AN AMBULANCE. THIS IS WHY NOTHING GETS DONE AROUND HERE. I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MYSELF,” Taeyong can be heard taking another shot. 

  
  


“You’re not our mom….or a mom.”

“It’s eomma to you, you little piece of shit. Who packs your lunch every-”

 

“Hyung, shut up and call an ambulance please.”

 

“You, you little….. the disrespect I get, goodbye,” he hangs up.

 

“Are you really going to call for an ambulance?” Renjun pouts.

 

“YES!” Jungwoo and Lucas, who was wake again and propped up, yell in sync before Lucas passes out. Again.

 

“Ok, just making sure because…,” he pulls out a butcher knife. 

 

“Huang Renjun, I swear if you stab my boyfriend, I will make your life living hell and you will never have peace as long as I am around.”

 

“You already do that, so I could also kill you too??? Plus I’m already suffering, that thing exists,” he gestures at Lucas nonchalantly with the knife.

 

“Get out of my goddamn apartment.” Renjun moves to leave for the nth time (for the author’s sake can he just stay gone for the rest of the fic). “And put the knife down, ya sadist.”

 

“Fine.” He stabs the knife into the couch and leaves. Finally.

 

“Thank god,” Jungwoo moves to lay down and cuddle with his boyfriend when he realizes something just a little paramount. “SHIT, I FORGOT YOUR DYING.”

 

~

 

“You see that bean, that’s you dork” Jungwoo to Lucas as he drops a bean on the floor. They were currently at the hospital and Lucas was eating while waiting to finally be checked. Of course, it’s foodcas. “Useless and soggy. Reflect on you and your lack of brain cells, you bean.”

 

“I love you too,” Lucas squeezes his hand and Jungwoo melts in his chair, which causes to Lucas awkwardly laugh at Junguwu. A knock at the door interprets the panicked gays.

 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Kim Dongyoung,” Doyoung says not looking up from Lucas’ chart. “I’m going to need to give you a shot and then you’re clear to go Mr. Wong.”

 

“Shit.”

 

“You remind me of a friend but he can’t have been idiotic enough to ignore his life-threatening allergy to try a candy that he might not even like,” Doyoung has a familiar glare that reminds Jungwoo of the one Renjun gave earlier that day. He shivers, thank god he’s not Lucas.  “Oh, wait, I forgot your Lucas A fucking idiot built like a string bean.” There seemed to be a theme of beans today, the author may or may not be eating some.

 

“Out of all the doctors, Jungwoo? Really?!?!” Lucas looks at Jungwoo in disbelieve. 

 

“He is the best allergist in the country, silly. Jungwoo smiles as if he hasn’t wronged his boyfriend. “And We’ve never meet Dongyoung in our life. You're just in shock still.” Lucas gives him a look that Jungwoo knew he was going to get hell for it tonight but the look on Lucas’ face is worth anything. 

 

“HE’S DOYOUNG.” 

 

“Whose that? And it’s Dr. Kim to you” Doyoung walks towards with a very painfully large needle. “This is going to hurt. A Lot, dumbass.”

 

~

 

“Finally, home,” Lucas runs around Jungwoo’s apartment.

 

“We would’ve already been cuddling all day if you hadn’t been suicidal,” he smiles, amused at Lucas being childish. “Good thing you had a good doctor that was so kind enough to help an idiot like you.” 

 

“Don’t even think you're getting away with what you did,” Lucas cups his face and is inches away. He stays like that for what feels like minutes to Jungwoo but he doesn’t close the distance.

 

“You tease,” Jungwoo pushes Lucas onto the couch, who immediately screams in pain.

 

“What wrong, babe?” Jungwoo rushes over to Lucas, eyebrows furrowed in concern.  _ He’s so cute _ , Lucas gay panics in his head.

 

“M-my back,” he struggles to say. Jungwoo starts to move him but stops when he sees it. A knife in his boyfriend’s back.

 

“HUaNg ReNjUn,” Jungwoo yells to nobody.

“What,” Renjun pops his head out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped on his head.

 

“First of all, why the fuck are you still in my apartment and oh I don’t know, MY BOYFRIEND WAS JUST IMPALED BY A KNIFE COUCH. IS THERE ANY REASON IN PARTICULAR WHY?”

 

“Because he’s stupid and you weren’t here earlier so.”

 

“I’m calling Taeyong.”

 

“Ok,” Renjun simply shrugs. Renjun was way too relaxed, with him being the reason Lucas was dying (Did I mention this is the second time in a day?) and about Jungwoo calling Taeyong, for his taste.

 

“It’s because he put that damn hanger up his nose. I swear he’s not mine, he was switched at the hospital when he was born,” Taeyong says as expected when he arrived at the apartment.

 

“None of us are yours, YOUR NOT OUR MOM.” (“Hello, I’m dying,” Lucas waves at Taeyong then points at himself but is ignored by everyone.)

 

Taeyong simply takes his phone out of his pocket, “Hey, Doyoung I need a favor.”

 

“Fuck.” Jungwoo really didn’t want to die today. “Call an ambulance, Renjun.”

 

“Um, no. The more deaths the merrier.”

 

Jungwoo has a double take when he looks behind him at Renjun. “IS THAT A SHOVEL?”

**Author's Note:**

> this is why I don't internet.  
> enjoy bitches.  
> and I didn't feel like editing either so shut it.


End file.
